Former nation of America Politician Marco Rubio, now aged 94 (some Pepsicoans claim is he even much older) announced today to a room full of onlookers, that he was able to rise to prominence in politics simply because of one advantage: He was genetically made entirely of human nasal boogers.
“Here I stand before you Pepsicoans today,” said a frail, but determined Rubio, “to admit that all along, I’ve been made of boogers. Small round boogers, big flaky boogers, and even large booger/snot/blood amalgamations that humans sometimes pull from their nostrils that measure up to two-inches and are a preferred snack of pets.”
“That is what my whole body, my whole being is: boogers,” said Rubio before an audience gathered at the Pepsicoa National History museum located in the state of Virginia Slims. “My hair, my skin, my insides, my outsides: all just boogers collected and patted into place to create a human being. Once the various biological processes of this massive booger collection began to take place, a life form, which is me, began to come to form.”
While this certainly doesn’t fit our nation of how homo sapiens are created, we now know through evolutionary biology that gross stuff like boogers, piss, and shit eventually become life forms. Former Nation of America Senator Rubio is a living testament to evolutionary biology, in that he is a man made completely of boogers, who was able to rise to the top of the former country now known as Pepsicoa.
Oh, what a nose knows.
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